Hetalia Satire
by Genevievevictoria
Summary: These are short really bad one-shots using exaggerated parts from some of the most popular ships in Hetalia.
1. Spamano

**Spamano**

I fell into his arms. "Be carful Lovi~ you could get hurt."

I looked up at him my face red from blushing. "What the fuck is a Lovi bastard!?"

He giggled at me "You're a Lovi, Lovi~"

Then we had 20 chapters of angst and TOMATOES ARE MY FUCKING KINK!

"I MIGHT ACTUALLY LIKE SPAIN HOLY SHIT!"

"Hola Lovi~ I heard you say my name~~~~~~~~~~"

Spain then bent Romano over the kitchen table and grabbed my fucking tomato. "This is good for lube." He then broke it into pieces and stuffed it into my love hole. "I'm going in Lovi~!"

"OH YAS SPAIN!"

"I'M CUMMING INSIDE MI TOMATE!111"

"SPAIN YAAASSSS PLS TE AMO!11"


	2. GerIta

**GerIta**

"DOITSU! I-I bought you these bitch ass flowers1!" said Itary all excited. "JA THAT IS MIN GOOD ITALIA MMMM YAS." Said Germanly with a stern expression. "WHAT THE TYPE KIND OF FUKIN FLOWERS ARE THESE HOLY FUK!1" Said Germany. Italy looked at Germannly. "Thes cuz I luv you and i-I" "VWHAT!"

This went on for 5 minutes.

"Germany, you-you your on top of me oh where is this going." "ITARIA I WOULD LIKE YOU TO SEE MY FRICK FRACK DUNGEON." "Will you be rough Germany?"

"NO I WILLL USE SAFEWERD! 4 U ITARIA I LUUUUV YOU SO MUCH!" Italia and Doitsu went to da basement and allllllllllllllllll Germanys frack toy waz there. "I WILL START SIMPLE ITALIA!" He put a blind flond on Italy, and opened his pantaloons. And behlold his big german worst was there! It was about like 10 inchs big!1!11!1!1

"I AM GOING INSIDE ITALY!" Germany put his german wurst into Italys tiny buthole.

"OH YAS GERMANY THAT FEELS SO GOOD YAS CUMZ INSIDE DIS FUK YEA!1!11111"

Germany ramd in fastr and astr till all his germanly liquids.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM GERMANY OH YAS OH GOD MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM"

**The end**


	3. UsUk

**UsUk**

"Iggy IM DA HERO!" Ameri kun said very durnk.

"America u cunt im da god damn England you lil bich I will fite you!"

"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo." said Amerika in a calm voice.

**The end**


	4. Itacest

**Itacest**

"Fratello no! ve~~~~~~~ we can't."

"What the fuck fratello, you do this to me, on this day, the day off the Star Trek Convention." Said Romano, his face like the reddest fuccking tomato. "Fuck you I do what I want. Our ship name is going to be called Snorth from now on because im the fucking south and you are the bitch ass north."

"But fretello~~~~~~~."

"Say my name Veneziano."

"Wut?"

"Say it goddamn it. Say my name. Say my name. Say my name."

"Italy Romano."

"Yaaaassss bitch yaaaassss."

Romano then went down on his brother.

"Mama mia that's a spicy meat-a ball." Romano said, sucking Italy's delicious Italian Sausage.

"Yeeessss Roma yessssss, veeeeeee."

Italy then came all over his brother's face. "whEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT'S AMORE~~~"

(=ヮ=)೨

**The End**


	5. Frying Pangle

**Frying pangle**

"Fuck that piano bitch."


	6. USUK 2

USUK 2

"Hey Iggy can you freestyle for us."

"Alright America just this once you baka."

England cleared his voice. "I was only nine years old I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I pray to Shrek every night before bed thanking him for the life I've been given. Shrek is love, I say, Shrek is life. My dad overhears me and calls me a faggot, I knew he was jealous of my devotion for Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends to me to go sleep. I'm crying now, and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me; it's Shrek. I am so happy, he whispers into my ear "this is my swamp." He grabs me with his powerful ogre hand and puts me on my hands and knees. I'm ready, I spread my ass cheeks for Shrek, he penetrates my butthole, it hurts so much but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water, I push against his force, I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar and he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in and Shrek looks him straight in the eye and says "Its all ogre now." Shrek leaves through my window.

"Shrek is love, Shrek is life."


	7. SuFin

**SuFin**

"Moi moi Swigitty Swede."

"F'nl'nd 'm g'ng t' f'ck y'"

"Haha you're so funny Sweden, always telling jokes."

"Y'r m' w'f "

"Sweden you know not to tell jokes while I'm drinking my vodka."

"S'rs'ly?"

"Are you calling me a liar."

"'m n't c'll'ng y' tr'th'r"

"…Get on the floor Sweden."

"W't?"

"You fuckin heard me, I'm going to moi moi your ass tonight."

"Y'S F'N Y'S!"


	8. FrUk

FrUk

"Oh France…." Said Eggirasu all blushing and doki doki.

"Bonjour Angleoteirr~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~pen15~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~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"What do you want frogGGGGGGG" =.=

"You look beautiful today ;)~~~~~~~~"


	9. Gerita with Romano?

Gerita and Romano

It was a dark night and Italy was just finished making pot pasta. "bruh." Said Italy.

Later in da night Germany and Italy decide to frick frack patty wack. "Italia I want chu to be ma waifu :3"

"oh mah gerd of course Germanlia." They went on to frick frack bUT THEN ROMANO WALKED IN ON THEM!

"POTATO BASTARD DON'T YOU NO STOP I CAME OUT HERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME I'M HONESTLY FEELING SO ATTACKED RIGHT NOW."

But then RoMANo penis was like 'HOLY FUK THIS IS A MY TYPE OF FUN!11!'

Germany and Romano decided to top Italy cause he was lil bitch.

THE END


	10. Germancest

School had just began and Germany was just a lil freshman and his older brother Prussia was showing him around. Prussia and Germany had always had a 'special' relationship. Germany looked up to Prussia and everyone thought they were complete opposites. One day after school Germany was walking to Prussia's class when he heard, "WEST FOLLOW ME KESESESESESE!" Germany then sighed and went with it following him shortly behind. They went to the roof. "What the hell Prussia what did you do this time?" Prussia then said, "LMAO I 360 NO SCOPED THE TEACHER! KESESESESESE" Germany then sighed. Prussia then grabbed Germany's hips and whispered into his ears, "WE ARE WEAST NOW MUDDA FUKA KESESESESESE" He pulled down Germany's pants and Germany's face blushed a pure red. Prussia pulled down his own pantaloons and behold is five meters. Prussia den wiggled his wunderbrat into his bruder. "OH YAS PREUSSIA MMM OH YAS."/p


	11. Self Insert

**~Self insert with South Korea~**

"HAHA YA RIGHT LMAO. Me in Hetalia? Suck my ass, I'm a Christian :3." But wait who dat in da distance?! It your senpai SOUTH KOREA! Holy shit! If only you looked better. You think to ya-self. I mean all ya got is stunning beautiful hair, eyes that resemble happy thoughts and thAT AMAZING FUCKING SKIN OH BABY!

"DA ZE! Sexiness originated in Korea Da ze! Day Z, Daisy, Da ze da ze_ illuminati_ da ze!"

Fuck you just love his accent.

"I'm yong soo you should do me! Da ze! ;)"

"Fuck her right in the pussy." You whisper back.

"DA ZE! ALL RIGHT YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


	12. CanAme

**~CanAme~**

"TWINCEST FOR THE WINCEST!" 'murica yelled, knocking Canada to the ground.

"OMFG America you need to stop."

"Sorry bro! Can't stop won't stop!"

"bRO."

"Bro."

"BRO."

"Bruh."

"#StopAmerica2k15."

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


End file.
